We have all heard about the concept of around 90 percent of your communication is nonverbal, so then you should be focusing on your non-verbals only right?
This concept became one of the cornerstones of the self-development industry and especially the pickup community. It spread like wildfire.
I want to clarify and shed some light on this principle.
I believe this principle is one of the reasons most guys suck at game.
They work on their non-verbals and rationalize that game is 90 percent nonverbal communication and they don’t get the results that they want.
What if I told you that this non-verbal study is totally misunderstood!
Well, Let’s get into it.
Professor Albert Mehrabian is best known for his groundbreaking theories on verbal and non-verbal communication.
Albert Mehrabian was the founder of this concept and he developed a communication model, in which he demonstrated that only 7% of what we communicate consists of the literal content of the message. The use of one’s voice, such as tone, intonation and volume, take up 38% and as much as 55% of communication consists of body language.
Mehrabian had an experimenter read words to an audience of college students, single words like ‘love’, in different tones and with different expressions. Then, he asked the audience how it knew what the speaker really meant. Where did the audience get the clues for the real intent behind the words? He wasn’t asking about the words at all, but rather the speaker’s intent. When asked, the audience responded that it decoded the intent behind the speaker’s words from visual clues 55 % of the time, and from the tone of voice 38 % of the time. Only 7 % of the time did the audience go to the actual words.
What was the point of all this? Mehrabian’s work was all about what he called the ‘silent messages’ – how people communicate implicitly their emotions and attitudes. His big insight – wait for it – was that when words and non-verbal messages were in conflict, people believe the non-verbal every time.
But now we get into the real juicy details…
Albert Mehrabian said that in cases where a person is unsure or does not trust the other person’s communication, he will 93 % of the time trust his/her non-verbals.
So if our verbals and nonverbals are not aligned, 93 % of the time the dominant pillar for a person to trust will be non-verbals.
Now this implies that in areas of incongruence the girl will 93% of the time trust your non-verbals over your verbals.
This makes sense as she needs a way to filter out the beta males as she is risking 9 months of pregnancy with that male. If she aligns with the wrong man she is risking that her child will not be supported, she will not be supported and ultimately they could both die.
Our brains are still hardwired to emotionally think like this.
This study was totally taken out of context and went
“When there is an area of incongruence, the dominant trusted factor will be nonverbal communication 93 % of the time”
“Throughout the interaction, your non-verbals are 93% more important than your verbals.
This misinterpretation of the study changed the self-help industry.
So what does this all mean for your game?
Well, now you cannot hide away and rationalize not having good verbal game because of the thought of “ well game is 90 percent nonverbal anyway.”
You can’t just focus on your vibe, state, emotions.
You need to focus on your verbals as well.
Verbals are easier to control as they are directly in your hands.
This is not a post about ignoring non-verbals at all! They are important.
This is about bringing awareness to the fact that when she is doubting, testing, or screening you and she is second-guessing you, the non-verbals are going to be the dominant factor in her decision.
Share your thoughts on this, would love to have a surgical discussion.